Orphaned

My step-mom called last night at 11pm to say she "didn't have good news."

My dad was killed in a motorcycle accident. He retired from Hewlett-Packard on May 31 and took his new motorcycle on a vacation to visit his brother in Colorado. There were no other vehicles involved; he just went off the road. He was not quite 68 years old.

This is one of my favorite photos of him. It was taken in 1971 when I was just a tyke--probably not long before he left my mom and moved to California.

Parent-child relationships are often complex and ours was no different. For many years I called him "Daddy Dave" to differentiate him from "Dad," my mom's second husband. I spent part of every summer in San Jose with my father, his beautiful wife and her daughter, who was just four months younger than I was.

But summers spent hanging out at the skating rink, punctual child support payments and the occasional phone call don't really add up to fathering. And when I married The Artist, my dad pretty much dropped out of my life. It wasn't until February 2005, when my grandmother died, that we really got back in touch. Since my last job involved travel, I saw him regularly. In fact, The Artist and I had a cordial dinner with my dad and his wife in January when we were in San Francisco.

I've always felt like I didn't really measure up to his expectations. He was the sort that measured success in terms of consumption--and we don't. His wife has several times made a point of praising our kids and our parenting, but my dad seemed to only see that I drove an old car and lived in an unexceptional house. And now he'll never change. And I'll never feel his unconditional acceptance. And my children have lost their last grandparent. And I'm an orphan.

My step-mom and step-sister are going to Colorado today to bring home his body. I'll be going down to San Jose on Friday or Saturday I guess. I'm a little stunned...
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PREVIOUS COMMENTS

I'm so sorry.
Gretchen 06.28.07 - 6:09 am

May your journey be safe and you find comfort in friends and family.
Roya Homepage 06.28.07 - 12:36 pm

Thinking of you...
fiona mackey 06.28.07 - 6:07 pm

I'm so sorry to hear this. That is a great picture, though. I can see why it's your favorite. I'll be thinking of you.
Rikki 07.02.07 - 7:47 am

I hope the funeral went smoothly and that you are happily returned to The Artist, your unexceptional house, and your absolutely exceptional children. I loved your thoughtful reflections on a trying relationship. Really beautiful in its own way.
Maureen 07.20.07 - 3:40 pm

You ok?
rikki 07.30.07 - 2:46 pm