Spy[ing on] Kids

I like privacy. The tall fence that shields my back yard. The short fence in front that keeps pedestrians from cutting across my corner lot. Blinds on the windows. Caller ID.

And I believe that children deserve a certain amount of privacy, too. I always knock before I enter The Star's bedroom. And only in the direst emergencies do I walk into the bathroom when The Magician is in the tub.

But it is my responsibility to keep my kids safe, happy and healthy. Which means that I spy on their activities, snoop through their backpacks and drawers, and moniter their internet use.

Once we were concerned that The Star was changing her clothes at school. You know what I mean--walking out of the house in jeans and a sweater, changing into a miniskirt and tanktop for the day, then changing again before getting home. So I suggested that The Artist pay her a visit at school, unexpectedly. While she nearly died from embarrassment, it did prove that she was still properly dressed. Unfortunately for her, that was a day she had taken her iPod to school when she promised she wouldn't. Busted.

I allow the kids to use the internet. They can have accounts, such as email, NeoPets, or MySpace. But there are rules. Mom always gets to know what they're signing up for, and gets to always have the password. The Star's email password is "bug"--that's what she could spell on her own when she opened the account in first grade.

There's been a whole lot of media flap about MySpace recently. It's an elecronic social network that has the potential to allow sexual predators access to children and teens. It could be a very bad thing. But it was one of those "all my friends are doing it" issues with my daughter. She's the most social of all of us and really hungers to be connected to other people. Capital "E" for extrovert. So now she can exchange chain emails ("forward this within 5 minutes and your crush will ask you out"), blog about the horrible evil that is overprotective parents, and exchange photos with her friends. Her account is set so that you have to request to be her MySpace "Friend" before you can view her homepage. At least that gives us some control over the pedophiles crusing for 13-year olds on the internet. She's not supposed to accept Friends that she doesn't actually know in real life. Mostly it seems to be working. I got concerned when "Sexy Wrestler" asked to be her Friend, only to find out that it's a kid she knows from church and school. Perhaps his parents should monitor what he's doing--and how he presents himself online!

Not long ago a 14-year old girl here in Vancouver was found naked and dead in a so-called "party house" --killed by the middle aged man who encouraged teens to use his house to drink and smoke dope. According to the papers, her mother was shocked to find out where her daughter was spending her time. If only she'd asked, if only she'd insisted on meeting her daughter's friends, if only she'd spied.

Someday we'll find more than hidden candy wrappers when we're poking around their rooms, but that's better than being clueless.